Name Forgotten

Bernie was invited to his friend Ken's home for dinner.  The host preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her Honey, Sweetheart, Darling etc.


"That is nice," said Bernie.  "After all these years that you've been married, you keep calling your wife pet names."


Ken hung his head and whispered, "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."




From:  Readers Digest

Space Wanted

A wife buys an enormous birthday present for her husband.  He opens it and looked rather confused.


"What am I suppose to do with a rocket?"


"You wanted space,' she replies.  "Now get lost."




From:  Readers Digest

Happy Rabbit Year

What would you call a long row of floppy-eared mammals, all slowly hopping backwards together into the distance?


A RECEDING HARE-LINE.






From:  Readers Digest

Power Failure

Susan was desperate for a few days off from work.  But she knew that the boss wouldn't let her take a vacation.  So she got a crazy idea.  She hung upside down on the ceiling until the big guy noticed and asked her what she was doing.  "I'm a light-bulb,"  she told him.


'You are clearly stressed-out," said the boss, looking concerned.  "Go home and take it easy for a couple of days."  Susan jumped down and headed for the door.  Her co-worker Janice seized the opportunity and followed Susan.


'Where do you think you're going?" the boss hollered after her.


"I'm going home, too,"  Janice said.  "I can't work in the dark."

Matter of Course

How I dislike the first course of a meal described as 'starters'.


There must be a nicer name: first 'course' sounds better, I think, even if it sounds unimaginative.  Some other words and expressions that are creeping into our language also strike a jarring note, and one that annoys many people is 'at this moment in time'.  What a silly way to say 'now' or 'at present'.  Perhaps I am being to  critical, though?

Meaning of Love

My four-year-old little girl was in a very loving mood one night.  When I was tucking her up in bed, she said :  'I love you ten-ten-ten, Mummy', putting up her hands three times.


I replied:  'I love you, too!.


She was almost in tears as she said:  'Only two!'

Anything To Declare?

My husband and I are always careful to store potentially dangerous articles, especially drugs, out of children's reach, so I was horrified one day to find my toddler with a full bottle of yellow tablets.


I  realised the tablets must have belonged to my grandfather, who was holidaying with us, and on checking, found my son had taken the tablets from a drawer in grandfather's room.


The drawer contained another bottle of tablets and a razor, complete with blade.  I'm sure other parents are just as careful with drugs, etc as we are, but I wonder how many realise the potential dangers in visitors' luggage?
Since the experience with the tablets, my visitors are always asked :  'Anything to declare?'


It's far better to be safe than sorry.

'Pet' Economy

While at home last weekend, my son, a 22-year old school teacher, who shares a flat with three other young teachers, was discussing the cost of food.  On being told what I had paid for mince at my butcher's, he told me that, in Sidcup, he had bought mince at --pence a pound; however,when he cooked it, he found it contained small pieces of bone and gristle.  His face was a picture when I told him that his 'bargain' was pets' meat!